My eyes fill with tears....  / LeFan Haney (. Grandma To Another Angel) (passerby)
I feel like I knew your husband after reading all the wonderful things about his life...My heart goes out to you ,  his children, grandchidren, family, and friends.....Words cannot express the "pain" at that time...They tell me that time heals and it gets easier.....Your husband will always be with you and My sweet Lance will feel it a honor to know him..... Close

Steve / Darlene Montano (Wife)
Today was Anthonys birthday. We had a small birthday party for him at Felicias. Jessica and Jennifer set up the decorations while Felicia took Mark and Anthony to their game. I think they enjoy playing football alot. I know you would be giving them tata pointers as if you played yourself. You would be so proud Steve. They look so cute with their football uniforms on. Today they both (with a little prodding from Felicia) modeled their cups for us. They are too funny Steve. Jr could not wait for the cake. Anthony looked really surprised when he came home. I think he thought everyone forgot. Jess bought pizza and a special order of hot-wings just for him. That little extra touch is how we do things Steve and I felt proud that our kids learned from US that its the little things that make people happy and bring a smile to other people that matter. They all have that decency and when I get to see that in them I know its because we raised them that way You and I. We did do a good job. People tell me that alot and I know we did. I know I havent been the same mom they are used to and I truly am trying but it is hard to hide how I am feeling. They all are good about not being offended by what I say or do. They just say its ok mom we understand. That takes strength Steve and they are very strong. They miss their daddy though. Nothing happens in their day that they dont think of what you would say or do. You mean so much to us Steve, that we include your memory in our everyday actions. You made an impact on our kids that I am only now getting to see and understand how deep we all are bound. I am so glad. Cuz you know sometimes we wondered if we were doing things right. I hope you are looking down and saying yeah we did allright Darlene our kids are how we tried to raise them. All that yelling and dissorder and humor and love paid off. I Love you Steve and Miss you. I feel like I just cant function anymore. I am so tired Steve. I thought I was dealing with your death pretty well all things considered but these last two weeks have been so difficult. I just give up so easily as if I have no fight left in me then I think of you and get angry with myself for letting my life get to me. I sure need to hear you say darlin dont worry everything will work out ok. What do I do for the rest of my life without you. I know take one day at a time but its not that easy. Without you Im just not me those words describe exactly how I feel. Im lovin you. And by the way Gabriel now points his finger at us and says Im lovin you, he makes the you real obviose, he is such a cute little guy. He is going thru the parrot stage and its funny to listen to him try to mimic everyone. Well thats the scoop Steve cant wait to see you again. "DARLIN" (09-17-05) Close

9/12/05 / Jessica Montano (daughter)
Hi dad. I miss you. I finshed with school and now I am on my externship. My graduation is on Nov 6, 2005. Today I went to the dr, and got a ultrasound done to see the baby. I am 13 weeks so my due date is 3/16/06. I know you will be there (but not in the room). Jr doesn't know what to think, he looks confused everytime i say there is a baby in my stomach. I miss you everyday, I still cant belive you have not been here for more than a year. With all the wonderful memories i have its like you have never been gone, its like your on a hunting trip still. I will write to you again. Love you. Close

For Steve  / Darlene (wife)
Do You Remember All The Good Times And Bad Times That We Shared, All The Hopes And Dreams We Had Nothing Else Could Ever Compare. There Will Always Be A Place Down Deep Inside My Heart, A Special Place Where Only You Will Occupy That Part. I Will Always Remember All The Beauty And The Grace, Your Smile As Bright As Sunshine And Your Beautiful Angelic Face. The Way Your Body Felt As I Held You Close To Me, In My Heart And In My Soul Is Where You'll Always Be. God Gave Me An Angel To Call My Very Own, Now We'll Always Be Together From This Moment On. I Love You Steve. (09-12-05) Close

Darlene  / The Widows Prayer
Most loving God, you know the pain and sorrow of death; mercifully hear our prayer for those who mourn the death of their beloved. The nights are lonely and the days are too long. Comfort them and bring an end to the days of tears. Bless them and bring an end to their days of sorrow. Renew them with the joy of life and bring to an end their days of mourning. Let the bond of love which you have for your people be the foundation of their hope that love never ends and that precious moments with our beloved are forever held dear in our hearts. Amen. (09-12-05) Close

Still / Darlene (Wife)
Steve the boys played so good yesterday. I miss you so much Steve. Why does it have to be like this. We never bothered anyone. We always watched what we did and said so we didnt hurt anyone and still you were killed. I cant understand why I am here so alone Where are you What are you doing How are you. I always had the answers to those questions now I dont know any of them to be sure of. You are my life my world Steve. I try not to dwell on what you went thru but I care so much about you and have so many unanswered questions. I have the strangest dreams lately mostly about me finding you alive or saving you. And I tell you about all the crazy stuff that has happened all because we thought you were dead. You just smile that smile you cant believe all everyone has done for your family. Then I wake up and I am faced with the dread and sadness of knowing you are still gone. I hate it Steve. I want to be happy and carefree like the days were when you were here to take care of me. I miss you with my heart and soul. You are everything to me . Always have been. Always will be. Man Steve we always had eachother and I cant get used to you not being here Life is so very different and it hurts to need you so bad. But Steve I dont regret one minute of our life together You remember that always. Darlene (09-11-05) Close

Miss you so much today  / Jennifer Montano (daughter)
''It's another Saturday still without you. Here I am at moms and I am still expecting to hear your truck coming around the block. God I miss you so much, you shouldn't be gone. You need to be here, we need you so much It's not fair just not fair. I still dont understand why. It happend to you, We loved you so much. I just want to hear your voice again and see your silly faces you used to make! Gabriel is going to be two next month. He's gotten so big. Jessica is expecting. I cant wait theres going to be another baby running around soon (baby #6)! Theres alot going on right now and we need yours and Gods strength right now to help us all! I LOVE YOU and there won't be a day we are not thinking of you or loving you. With all of our love we can give, Jennifer and Family. Close

My Thoughts & Prayers  / Beverly Walls Johns (Passerby, also a grieving Mother )
Darlene and Family,
My Thoughts & Prayers are with you for the loss of your Husband & Father, and to have to lose a beloved Sister, I can not imagine such pain & hearbreak for a family to have to go thru.
Always treasure the memories that you have of your lives together and know that your'e Father is always looking out for each and every one of you.
We will all be reunited when God calls each one of us home.I find myself asking "Why bad things happen to good people"? Why does God let the evil people go on living and hurting? Why does he have to take our children? It is not for us to question why God does the things that he does,only he knows why, it was not meant for us to know.
May God Bless You All and Keep You Safe!!
Always Be Proud Of Your Father,He Will Forever Live On In The Hearts & Memories Of All Who Love Him.
My Prayers And Condolences Are With You. Close

Thank you  / Shelley Raland Browns Mom (passerby)
Im so sorry for your loss, I can unfortunately say I know the pain all too well. My biggest prayer for you and for my self is that the murderers are caught, I just would like for the nightmare to be over so we and our angels can rest until we can all be united again. Im sure you feel stuck in the same place because its been unsolved and for that Im sorry . Esteven looks like he was a wonderful man I would like to think that my son is in heaven with people like him. May God keep you and your family, thank you so much for leaving a tribute on my sons site.

Ralands mom in this life and the next Close

I Cannot Do This Alone  / Darlene (Wife)
O God, early in the morning I cry to you. Help me to pray And to concentrate my thoughts on you: I cannot do this alone. In me there is darkness, But with you there is light; I am lonely, but you do not leave me; I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help; I am restless, but with you there is peace. In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience; I do not understand your ways, But you know the way for me… Restore me to liberty, And enable me to live now That I may answer before you and before me. Lord, whatever this day may bring, Your name be praised. Close

Such a Loving Family  / Katherine Westmoland (visitor)
Darlene, children and family,
My heart aches for you and your daily (nightly) struggle to deal with the loss of your beloved father and grandfather and husband, and son.  What a joy it must be to him when he sees the love you all have and how much you try to help eachother through this continuing process of grief and adjustment.  What a legacy Esteven did really leave!!  I know that even though Steve is not here with you as you would like him to be....his loving spirit is surrounding all of you with love and pride. 
I pray for you and will continue to pray for you all.  I ask God to grant you continued healing and comfort and strength.  The ones that did this dreadful deed truly will one day answer in a court higher than any in this land and with an exacting judgement and punishment befitting the crime/sin they committed.
FeFe, though I did not know Steve and do not know you, I believe your dear father is just bursting with pride at your accomplishments, both at work and with the children. 
Darlene, how you dignify Steve's life is so inspiring.  Your love for Steve and your family and your spiritual faith-based attitude is an example to all.
Thank you.  I pray for peace for you all.
You all truly Honor Steve's Memory.
Katherine.....Sarah Faith Schmidt's...Mema Close

We are bonded together  / Deanna Pacheco (passer-by)

     Thank You so much for your wonderful words you left on my Memory site for my husband Chris.  He to was way to young to die.  He left me and my daughters in March of 2004 after suffering a Heart Attack.
    I pray for you and your family that your strength and love will get you through the tough parts.  Your husband was very loved and truth will prevail... I pray they find the person responsible.
   Hold on to your loved ones.... Life every day to its fullest. 
      Take one day at a time.
                  God Bless
                      Deanna

Close

thank you  / Michele Ruiz De Zarate (friend thru "memory of" )
Dear Darlene,
Although we don't know eachother, we are connected by the loss of our loved ones. Thank you so very much for visiting my mom's, Ruth Ruiz de Zarate's web site, it means so much.  You would haved loved her. I miss her so so much..........
I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband....May sweet memories keep you at peace..........You have created a beautiful site in honor of your husband....
I hope my mom and your husband have met up in heaven and have become friends. 
Thank you again..
Fondly,
Michele Ruiz de Zarate   Close

I MISS YOU  / FELICIA MONTANO (DAUGHTER)
HI. I FEEL SO SAD. I WAS DOING GOOD TILL I GOT A CALL THIS MORNING WHEN MA TOLD ME TO GO ON TO THE SITE. I'VE BEEN KEEPING ALOT OF THINGS IN DAD. FOR THE MOST PART FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS I CAN'T SLEEP. I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP. GEORGE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. I KNOW YOU SEE ME CRY BECAUSE ONCE I START CRYING I FEEL YOU AND I STOP, BUT IT IS EVERY NIGHT. I DONT WANT TO WAKE UP. I GOT ANOTHER PROMOTION DAD. I WAS JUST PROMOTED TWO WEEKS AGO. I'VE ONLY BEEN IN THIS DEPARTMENT FOR 1 AND A HALF WEEKS, THEY ASKED ME TO MOVE TO ANOTHER DEPARTMENT. THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WAS THAT YOU ARE HELPING ME, I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS FAR SO SOON IN A JOB. I AM STARTING TO FEEL IT IS NOT JUST A JOB DAD IT IS MY CAREER. I HAVE GOALS. I WANT TO BE A SUPERVISOR. I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROUD OF ME. I CAN HEAR YOU, WHAT YOU WOULD SAY. AND ALTHOUGH I AM VERY EXCITED, DAD I AM SO SAD. MOM IS GREAT AND SO IS JESS AND EVERYONE ELSE. BUT I WISH I COULD TELL YOU HERE IN PERSON I WISH YOU COULD SAY OUTLOUD, "GOOD JOB FEFE, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!" OR MAYBE YOU WOULDNT SAY THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD JUST GRUNT. IT MEANS THE SAME THING. I KNOW THAT I SHOULDNT BE SAD BECAUSE ALTHOUGH I LOST YOU I STILL HAVE MY FAMILY, BUT DAD I MISS YOU! I WANT YOU HERE. I LOVE MOM, MY SISTERS AND MY BROTHERS, AND MY FAMILY. BUT DAD I LOVE YOU TOO!! AND I WANT YOU TO BE HERE. I KNOW THAT IS SELFISH, BUT THE WHOLE FAMILY FEELS THE SAME WAY. JJ IS GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BABY, MAYBE IT'LL BE THE GRANDDAUGHTER THAT YOU AND MOM HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. WHY CANT YOU BE HERE??? DAD WE MISS YOU SO MUCH MY KIDS MISS YOU. MARKIE ANTHONY AND EVEN NICKY.  MARK IS DOING BETTER TOO. HE TOOK PICTURES OF YOU TO SCHOOL SO YOU COULD BE THERE WITH HIM. HE STILL GETS SAD WHEN HE HEARS A SONG, AND IT COULD BE ANY SONG NOT JUST YOUR SONGS, IF IT IS A SAD SONG HE JUST SITS THERE LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL HIM BECAUSE IT BREAKS MY HEART TO HEAR HIM CRY. HE TRIES NOT TO CRY AND  I FEEL SAD BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT ME TO GET SAD. HE SAYS WHY DID THIS HAPPEN WHY ARE YOU IN HEAVEN AND NOT HERE. WHAT DO I TELL HIM??  HOW DO I JUSTIFY YOU BEING KILLED BY SAYING EVERYTHING IS OK TATA IS IN HEAVEN NOW???  ANTHONY DOESNT SAY MUCH, ITS FUNNY THOUGH, HE THINKS OF YOU AT THE WEIRDEST TIMES HE STARTED KINDER THIS YEAR. HE ISNT HAVING TROUBLE LEARNING OR ANYTHING BUT HE TRIES TO GET OUT OF GOING TO SCHOOL. HE SAYS THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO GO BECAUSE HE DOESNT LIKE TO GO TO COMPUTERS OR ITS TOO MUCH WORK HE EVEN SAID THAT HE MISSES YOU TOO MUCH TO GO TO SCHOOL. THATS FUNNY HUH. NICKY ASKS ALMOST WEEKLY IF YOU ARE STILL DEAD. HE THINKS IT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS, THEN YOU COME BACK AND WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT TATA IS NOT COMING BACK, BUT ONE DAY WE WILL BE TOGETHER. AND THAT CONFUSES HIM EVEN MORE. HOW DO I EXPLAIN DEATH TO HIM, HOW DO I TELL MY KIDS WHO ARE 7, 5, & 3 THAT YOU WERE MURDERED, THAT SOMEONE KILLED YOU WHEN YOU WERE DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU LOVED TO DO. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT KIND OF EVIL TO THEM. WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO TELL MY KIDS THAT THERE IS ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT KILL OTHER PEOPLE FOR THEIR SELF GRATIFICATION? WHY DO MY KIDS AND MY NEPHEWS HAVE TO SEE THAT KIND OF HATE. WHY DOES OUR FAMILY HAVE TO GO THRU THIS. NOT THAT I WANT FOR ANYONE ELSE TO HAVE TO FEEL THIS PAIN, BECAUSE I WOULDNT EVEN WISH THIS ON THE WORST PERSON, DONT GET ME WRONG I WANT THE PERSON(S) THAT KILLED YOU PUNISHED  I WANT THEM TO PAY FOR WHAT THEY DID TO YOU AND TO US. BUT I FEEL FOR THEIR FAMILIES BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE MONSTER, THE ANIMAL THAT CAN PULL OUT A SHOTGUN, POINT IT AT SOMEONE AND PULL THE TRIGGER. THEN LEAVE AND LET THE FAMILY OF THAT PERSON FIND HIM LIKE MOM, JJ, SAL & GEORGE FOUND YOU. IT ISNT RIGHT AND NO HUMAN WITH A CONCIOUS, WITH A HEART OR WITH ANY KIND OF LOVE WOULD DO THAT TO ANOTHER MAN, A REAL PERSON. ONE THAT WAS LOVED SO MUCH. THEY DIDNT JUST KILL YOU DAD. OUR LIVES WERE DESTROYED THE DAY OUR FAMILY FOUND YOU. I THINK YOU BROUGHT US TOGETHER THAT SATURDAY MORNING. I REALLY DO. BECAUSE WE NEVER JUST SIT THERE AND WATCH HOME VIDEOS. WE WERE EXCITED WATCHING THEM. WE KEPT WATCHING THEM OVER AND OVER. WHEN MOM CALLED US ON SUNDAY, WE THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST BEING MOM THE WORRIER. YOU AND I KNOW HOW SHE GETS. BUT SHE HAD NEVER BEEN THAT WORRIED BEFORE.  WE NEVER THOUGHT THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG, BUT MOM HAD HER FEELING, AND NOW WE LISTEN WHEN SHE THINKS SOMETHING IS WRONG.
DAD PLEASE LOOK OUT FOR JJ OK. PLEASE HELP HER THRU HER PREGNANCY, PROTECT HER AND THE BABY PLEASE. I KNOW SHE IS PROBABLY WORRIED. WE ALL ARE FOR HER AND THE BABY, BUT WE ARE ALL SO EXCITED. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY KNEW BEFORE ALL OF US, AND I KNOW YOU WILL TRY YOUR BEST. Close

Sorry for your loss  / Sarah Goodwin (passer by )
Thank you so much for you condolences for are sweet Serenah. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find the people who are responsable for your husbands death. You will be with us in are prayers. Close