6 grandsons  / Jessica Montano (daughter)
Hi dad, just wanted to write to you and tell you that you and mom are now going to have 6 grandsons. I went to my sonogram on Thursday and they told me it was a boy! The baby is due March 16-18, 2006. When i told jr he was having a brother he said "but i wanted a sister". Its so cute cuz jr picked out a bib that has sesame street characters on it that reads best friends, but he still claims he wont help with the diapers. Well im sure you will be looking down on us and the babys, not just mine but all your kids and grandkids. Theres nothing to worry about the dr are going to look after me carefully this time and watch for any signs of preeclampsia. I hope you are filled with joy. Every day we all think of you. We cant help but "mock" the things you would say like your grunt, or when  you would tell you something bad you would say  IE FELICIA OR IE JESSICA.  Or even your godfather voice, which by the way we all learn to love The Godfather movies. I love you dad and wish you were here everyday with us. Write you later. love jessica and jr.   Close

TO MY DAD. I will never forget you. I will always love you. No one will ever take your place. Ever  / FELICIA MONTANO (DAUGHTER)
Dad, I miss you so much. The days are going by so fast; it seems like yesturday we were all together at the barbeque. Remember. It was like our own little family reunion. I miss you so much! We never thought that something like this would ever happen. I guess we thought you would be here forever. Dad what i wouldn't give for you to be here with us. I remember the last Thanksgiving we had together. I am going to actually boil potatoes this time. I wish you could be here. Last year we had our first holidays without you. I don't know if this year we can take it. I wish you were here, I wish you were here alive with us so you can help us, you are so missed and truly missed. Even though things seem like they are goog they are not. I know that I am not. See you Dad. Love Felicia M. Montano. I love you!!!!!
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TO MY DAD  / FELICIA MONTANO (DAUGHTER)
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November Tears  / Darlene Montano (wife)
Steve this is such a sad month I have to face. So many times in 25 years we laughed and joked about how we always had so much to eat on Thanksgiving promising eachother we wouldnt over due the snacks so we could actually enjoy the Turkey and how you grinned while planning the best Turkey ever..then sure enough each year we would be so full before dinner. I miss you Steve. Then theres my birthday and How you always reminded me that the biggest deer you ever caught was on my birthday in 1999 and every year I would buy me something then show you what you got me and we would both laugh and you would tell me again about the deer and I wont ever hear you tell me that Steve I want to hear that again from your lips it is so frustrating trying to make sense out of this How can two people who truly loved eachother in every wonderful and every terrible moment be torn apart like they did to us? How can I go on without you I feel so sad and alone and I try to be strong but how do I do that without you you are my life my heart my soul my world and I need you and I want you to be here with me.I Love you So much I just want you to come Home.. Close

Tata / MARK, ANTHONY, NICKY, JR, GABRIEL, YDILLIA (GRANDCHILDREN)

Clouds are forming in the sky;
I feel like I could lie down and cry.
I miss all the things we used to do,
But knowing that I can't
Makes me realize
How much I loved you.
Family reunions won't be the same;
I miss you so much.
Only time could stop this pain.
I hope you had a wonderful life,
In spite of all those useless fights;
And when it rains I'll think only of you.
There would just be one thing I would do;
I'll get a picture of you and sit on my bed,
And my thoughts would only be of you -
Because in my opinion you are not dead.
All the family misses you,
And I do too.
I can't wait for that one day
When I would be reunited with
You.

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Saying Good-bye  / FELICIA MONTANO (DAUGHTER)

Sitting here thinking about you,
I here you call my name,
Fefe.
As I turn to see who's calling me
I see no one, only hear your voice.
I glance across the room,
To see if anyone else hears it too.
But no one seems to notice the look on my face.
I miss you so much,
I keep telling you,
But you don't seem to hear me.
Still you're calling out my name, only louder,
As the tears rolled down my face,
I glance around the room,
And see you amongst my family, and friends
The look upon your face says you're peaceful now.
I realized it was time to let you go.
Although I will always love and miss you.
I turn my head to see if anyone notices you.
Then I turn back, and you're gone.
I hear you, so very gently say,
"I love you", "Good- Bye!"
"Bye", I said . . .

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I LOVE YOU DADDY  / FELICIA MONTANO (DAUGHTER)

Dying Inside

Something so hard
goes straight to the soul;
it seems impossible to get over
and my heart is left with a big hole.
I'm trying to be happy, wearing a smile;
but I'm dying inside.
The world seems to be fading,
and I just want to run and hide.
Everywhere I go I see your face,
and realize how much I miss you;
and on the day that you died
a piece of me died too

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Daddy's Little Girl's  / FELICIA, JESSICA, JENNIFER MONTANO (ESTEVAN'S DAUGHTERS )

If we had our life's to do over again,
We'd have chosen you to be our dad.
Even if it meant losing you again,
It's worth all the tears in the world.
You were our sunshine when skies
were gray.
We loved you and we honored you;
You took all our fears away.
We were happy to be with you,
Proud to be your little girls.
Sometimes we would argue,
But to us you meant the world.
Your love was always pure;
Your time seemed all too short and
We feel so alone.
What can we take from this?
Our hearts completely crushed.
But nothing loved is ever lost-
And YOU ARE LOVED SO VERY MUCH.

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I MISS YOU DAD  / FELICIA MONTANO (DAUGHTER)
HI DAD. I THINK I AM LOSING MY MIND. I CANT GRASP WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. NOONE KNOWS. I KNOW YOU KNOW DAD, BUT I CANT DO THIS NOT NOW. I FEEL SO ALONE IN THIS AND NOONE CARES ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME AS LONG AS I CAN HELP THEM. THERE ARE CERTAIN PEOPLE WHO I KNOW WOUDL HELP ME BUT THEY HAVE THEIR LIFE  DAD I WISH YOU WERE HERE I KNOW THAT IT WOULDNT MAKE WHAT IS GOING ON STOP BUT ATLEAST I WOULD NOT BE AS  SAD BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD. DAD, I FEEL LIKE I AM AT MY LOWEST NOW, I FEEL LIKE I CANNOT DO ANYHTING RIGHT AND I AM HERE JUST TAKING UP SPACE. NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL WHEN I AM AROUND AND I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL WHEN I AM NOT.  I KNOW I HAVENT BEEN THE GREATEST PERSON BUT I HAVE GROWN ALOT AND NOT BECAUSE YOU WERE KILLED BUT BECAUSE IT WAS TIME TO GROW UP, WHY CANT ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT. ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE. I FORGIVE ALOT OF PEOPLE ALOT OF THE TIME, AND ALOT OF PEOPLE HURT ME. WHAT HURTS MOST IS THAT THOSE PEOPLE DONT KNOW THAT I KNOW AND THAT I HEAR WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT ME, AND I CANT TELL THEM BECAUSE THE ONE PERSON THAT I FEEL I CAN TRUST WILL GET INTROUBLE. SO I CANT STAND UP FOR MY SELF, I CANT DEFEND MY SELF AND I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING IT  AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. DAD I KNOW IF YOU WERE HERE YOU WOULD BE PROUD OF ME. I KNOW THAT YOU WOULD SAY WELL ITS GOING TO BE OK JUST DONT LET THESE THIS GET IN YOUR WAY, LIKE YOU DID WHEN NOONE ELSE WAS LISTENING. I REMEMBER YOU COMING OVER ONE TIME BECAUSE YOU WERE SAD AND I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE OK. AND YOU SAID FOR ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT YOU TO JUST TAKE CARE OF ME AND THE KIDS, AND YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE SORRY FOR BOTHERING ME. I TOLD YOU IT WASNT A BOTHER IT MADE ME FEEL GOOD BECAUSE THAT DAY YOU CAME TO ME AND CONFIDED IN ME.  I KNOW THAT I HAVE UPSET YOU AT TIMES MAYBE ALOT OF THE TIME BUT I NEVER THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD NOT BE HERE. I FEEL THAT IF YOU WERE HERE I WOULDNT BE GOING THRU THIS. BUT MAYBE I WOULD BECAUSE I NEVER LISTEN AND I DO WHAT I WANT, AND I ALWAYS GET HURT AND REGRET NOT LISTENING. I FEEL LIKE I AM STUCK IN A CIRCLE, IT IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL AND THERE IS NO WAY OUT, IT NEVER STOPS AND I AM SO SICK AND I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE, I WANT SO MUCH TO BE RID OF IT ALL. AND NOW I FEEL WORSE BECAUSE WHERE WOULD MY KIDS BE. WHO WILL WATCH OUT FOR THEM? AND THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES KEEPING ME HERE. IF IT WERENT FOR THEM DAD I KNOW THAT I WOULD BE WITH YOU AND I CANT WAIT FOR THE DAY THAT I GET TO BE WITH MY DADDY AGAIN. DAD PLEASE BE WITH THE KIDS AND ME. I WANT MY DAD BACK, I WISH YOU WERE HERE IT SEEMS LIKE IF YOU WERE HERE THE ISSUES WOULDNT BE SO BAD.  Close

I KNOW ITS BEEN A WHILE  / FELICIA MONTANO (FEFE) (DAUGHTER)

Dad,
 
Hi, I know it has been a while. I am sad now & I am having a hard time. I know you are here with me. I feel you when I am  crying. I know it was you that moved the table. I wish I could see you, maybe it would make me feel better. I am so angry with myself right now. It has been over a year since we have seen you or even got to see you! What bothers me most is that I didn't go with mom. I didn't want to go. I thought it was more important to take the kids to their tournament. I did not know that you were dead. If I would have known that you would never come home again I would have went. Dad do you forgive me?? Everyone says it was for the best & maybe it was a sign because Mark & Anthony probably would of went but if I wasn't so selfish I would have got to see you & maybe even give you a hug. I know I would not have left you there to go find help I would have stayed. I sometimes think that maybe you are lonely & I want so bad to go with you, I know I have to wait till the day God calls us too, but I wish I was with you. I love my kids & I would never want to leave them; that is what keeps me going because where would they be without me. If it wasn't for them I don't think I would go on living. I miss you dad. Why did this have to happen? Why did you have to go? What gave them the right to take you away from us.  I believe that it was your time because God would have left you there. Maybe. but what I wouldn't give. What I would give up just to have my DADDY back. I know things weren't always the best. But I know you loved me & I hope you know that I love you. I hope you here me talking to you. I think you do, because things don't always feel so hopeless anymore. The boys miss there Tata Estevan. Nicky cries for you all he says is "I miss Tata Estevan". All I can say is "I know baby everything will be okay." dad he's 3. Why does he have to know this pain? Why does Mark have to look out the window when a song you listened to & start to cry? Why does Anthony have to cry for you. He acts up & then cries because he doesn't know how to deal with his pain. Dad I want you to come home, we need you. We need you to help us deal with this pain. Dad I miss you. Right now can't stop crying it is 10pm I can't sleep, because I miss you very much. I am having real bad headaches and My stomach hurts so bad because I miss you what else could it be? I don't know how to not be mad. I get so angry. I take it out on the wrong people. But what am I supposed to do? I hold it in & it's eating me up, I feel at times that I don't know what am I doing. I walk around not knowing what to do. Sometimes I don't even know how I get from one place to another because you are on my mind. I don't know if you felt the pain, if you knew what was happening to you, did you know that we would never see you again. Dad it is litteraly eating me up. My heart hurts so bad, I have a lump in my throat. It hurts so bad, all because some selfish monsters decided that you didn't need to be here. What gives them the right to take another human life. Who told them it was ok?   Why you dad??? Why did you have to leave? Why can't you be here with us? I can't wait for the murderers to be caught. I can't wait to look them in the face & for them to see what they have done. I hope everyday the can't sleep because you are what they dream of. I hope that everyday they think of what they did to you & they suffer. Dad I wish they were going thru what we are going thru. I wish they knew the pain that they put us thru. I know this is not what you want to hear! You & Mom raised us better than that, but that is the anger I feel. Untill we are reunited again! I will never forget you or the love that we had between our family, I Love You DADDY!!! I Miss You DADDY!!!               Love Always, FEFE        10-11-05

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TO BRING YOU SPECIAL COMFORT  / SELMA FLYNN (NONE)
WHEN WE LOSE THE ONES WE LOVE ITS AS IF WE LOSE A PART OF OURSELVES AND WE FEEL BEWILDERED AND LONELY..... AND WE CANNOT BEGIN TO SEE HOW THE DARK CLOUDS OF SORROW WILL EVER LIFT, BUT BE ASSURED,THAT AS SUNSHINE FOLLOWS SHOWERS, HAPPLER MEMORIES WILL BREAK THROUGH AND HELP YOU TOWARD BRIGHTER DAYS Close

Im so sorry  / Kelley Shedd (passerby)

Hello darlene, my name is kelley I am Arina's mommy. You visited her site and you reached out to me and shared your pain. I am so sorry it took me a while to respond I do not have a computer my self so I can only go to Ariana's site once in while. I want to tell you I read your husbands site
and it touches my heart how there are so many supporters. That is a beautiful thing, it wont take the pain away or the sense of emptyness we will always feel but it is great to know so many people loved all of you. Your children seem wonderful they seem so sincere and they sound like they are very proud to have the parents they have. It is such a shame there is FILTH and SCUM walking the earth but yet the great is taken from us, I will never ever understand and sometimes it's hard to keep my faith not understanding that ? I am truely deeply sorry for your loss, I understand how hard it is to wake up every single day to not see our baby! well i've got to go 4-now I hope to talk again someday. Have a wonderful day and many more to come.
                                                 SINCERELY KELLEY

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The whole family  / Javi (baby boy )
Hey dad. Do you like moms poems? Every time I read it, I get teary eyed. I get this mental image I wish was true. Its me, mom, Jessy and Jenny, Stevie, Felicia and you holding a baby, Patty. we are all on an edge of a cliff , we are together and staring at the sunset. I wish that just one day that could happen even for just one day. Close

I Believe This  / Darlene Montano (WIFE)
A Message From Heaven

I am not so far from you
Just a little way beyond
Past the cares and past the pain
Far past my earthly bonds

When you feel you miss me most
As years go drifting by
Each memory will prove to you
That our love will never die.

For memories are but a touch
From the Father's gentle hand
To heal your pain and mend your hearts
To help you understand
That while I left you far too soon
I did not leave alone
For the Father sent His angels
To gently take me home.

Take comfort when you think of me
Keep my love alive in your heart
And with the warmth of each memory
We will never be apart. (09-30-05) Close

Sorry for your loss  / Becky Rux (Passerby)
I don't know your family at all. But you had left a tribute on my cousions page http://www.randyrandolph.memory-of.com/about.aspx I had to read the page. It touched me. I am so sorry for your loss. That is so horrible that anybody could ever do such a thing to another person. I hope and pray for you they find who ever did this to your husband, dad, co-worker etc. Know my thoughts and prayers are with your family.
Becky Close